Thursday, July 15, 2010

Busy, Busy

On the surface it's just a conflict of schedules ~ he's busy, I'm busy, and there isn't much free time in the next four days to get together.   Getting together on the phone happened after each had left a message for the other ~ less than an hour of delay in total.   Not so bad, I thought.   But haggling over schedules is starting to feel stressful.

"So maybe we'll get together next week sometime," he says, with a shade of impatience in his voice.   "Since you're so busy with your new classes, call me when you have some free time."

"Sure, I'll do that," I reply.

But I get the impression he doesn't want to wait for my call.   He pushes for faster resolution.    "You know, I'm busy every night of the week," he says, "but I make time for my priorities."

"Well, yeah, that makes sense," I return, "I do the same thing."

He explains, "I'm busy because there's nothing else to do.   It fills the time when I'm not dating anyone."



Now it's clear.   The impatience isn't about scheduling.    It's about expectations for two people who are dating.

We're dating?   *I* hadn't seen the memo.   Oh, wait a minute ~ he did say (I had thought it was a joke) that "our first official date" was a family movie night with my children.   Hmm.   I was explicit about NOT dating, pointing out that, besides the fact that I DON'T DATE FOR COURTSHIP, some of his up-front minimal requirements excluded dating me.   Sure we spent some pleasant time together ~ mostly with other people, once on our own, and we had two late night conversations about our worldviews.   Oh, and the last time we saw each other we shared a most amazing hug.   His heart told mine of his passionate nature and of his alarm about opening to vulnerability again.

Then he left for a week.   Now he's back in town calling to arrange a get-together.

Not just a hey-great-to-see-you-again-let's-find-more-time kind of a get-together, which could be tucked into any of several points of almost any day.   Nope.   It has to be an entire evening or a whole afternoon, something significant.   Signifying, probably, some kind of commitment so he can justify opening his heart and his passion to me.

So it's a lucky thing that our schedules are so conflicted ~ lucky that he doesn't want to give up any of his nothing-else-to-do activities ~ lucky that he expects me to give up my enjoyable-new-stuff activities because he liked it better when I didn't have as much to do and scheduling was easier for him.

I say it's lucky because I have no desire to cast away my pursuits ~ my energy is limited and by the time I actually decide to pursue an interest, it's because I'm really turned on about it during that time slot.   I still have plenty of free time in my days, but my free times don't match up with his free times.   In four-hour blocks.   During the coming four to seven days.  


And it's lucky because he really is not ready to open his heart and his passion to me.   Part of him hopes he's ready, but part of him knows he's not.

"So maybe we can try in the fall after your classes wind down," he says, now with an edge to his voice.

"Um, yeah, looks that way," I say, glad, like the Roadrunner, that the warning signs of impending doom were so easy to see.

No need to dig any deeper here ~ less said is less regretted.

With a wish goodnight, we ended our call.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

photo credit: Love Noose created by icrush

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